Current mood:	amused
Current music:	Michael Jackson - Thriller

MySpace Email Fun!
ACTUAL EMAILS:

Mike: "hi my name is michelle i created a profile for my friend mike he is totally cool and trying to meet a good chic. send him a message" Lemme think. NO. *deleted*

Devils Reject: "hey i just ran across your profile and i must say you are beautiful. i just moved to st. louis not too long ago for a successful career to get a real life started..lol. anyways, im looking for some new friends and a girl so if your interested in either then please don't hesitate to email me back. hope to hear from you soon!" As tempting as a guy with no life is , NO. *deleted*

ryan: "you are hot... the end..." *deleted*

ryan (again): "you are way to hot... wow..." Your charm and wit were so effective the first time I didn't answer, you thought you'd try again? *deleted*

BIG G WIGGLES: "Whatup shortie, you look real good...I go to slu, holla at me sometime" Isn't their motto, "St. Louis University - Where Knowledge Touches Lives"? Your parents must be so proud. *deleted*

Christian: "I lived here all my life and worked in the music biz for 5 years before I left St. Louis. I'm back now working on my biznesses and if u like too we should go for a drink this weekend." I've gotta give Christian his props. He wasn't illiterate like the rest of them and seemed to actually have things going for him. If I were the kind of girl that met random guys from the internet for drinks, we'd be on like Donkey Kong. *deleted*

Christian (again): "Wanna go see Our LAdy Peace VIP STYLE? Hummer stretch limo and good times. My buddies who still work in radio out here asked me on saturday night let me know if u want to go." Sweet of him to invite me considering we've never met, talked, chatted, texted, emailed, or even interacted. If I were all about using people, I'd have been on Christian like white on rice. *deleted after politely declining*

Travis: "WOW You are really CUTE!!!!!!!!!!" *deleted*

Travis (again): "Hi my name is travis and i was wondering if you could possibly be interested in me, because i am very interested in you! Get back to me please...." *deleted*

Travis (again): "Hey again. Well, what do you think of me, i would really like to know! get back to me!" *deleted*

Travis (AGAIN): "Hey Cutie Do you have IM or anything like that, I would love to chat with you!!!!!!" Remember that one time? The time I gave false hope to a boy named Travis because I replied to an email he sent? No? Me neither. *deleted*

Carlos: "hey wats up iam carlos" Something about default photos of pit bulls... that's hot. *deleted*

Travis (a different one, lol): "just seeing if you would be intrested in getting to know each other a little. let me know." Nope. *deleted*

J: "hi, you seem cool, you seem to have a sense of humor, you are very very pretty and that poison shirt is awesome" Eh... nice enough. I wrote back and said something about not being able to make any assumptions about him because his profile was almost blank. *deleted*

J (again): "anything in particular youd like to know? what area are you in?" I don't think so. *deleted*

J (again): "you are older than me haha i like that joan jett is a hero" *deleted*

J (again): "how are you today?" *deleted* Not his fault... I'm easily creeped out.

Dave: "hey whats up I know ur older then me but age dont mean shit but u caught my eye whats up" You're kidding, right? *deleted*

Dave (again): "whats up how r u doin" Oooh, text me bad boy. *deleted*

Dave (again): "hey whats up i hav left u a message but no response is it cuz im to young or what" It's the "or what." *deleted*

Jordan: "Hey how r u" You guys don't realize that this sort of communication is only acceptable while texting, do ya? *deleted*

Mirko: "Hi , my name is mirko...from italy...would you like to help me improving english??? You could be my sexy english teacher...." As funny as the Long Duck Dong/16 Candles flashback was... "Oh sexy American girrrrrrrrlfriennnd?!" No. *deleted*

A: "Hello. How are things today? My name is Alan. I'm 35, new here and thought I would say hi. Is this site any good? Anyway......briefly about me: I sell pharmaceuticals, play tennis, go to the gym, run, travel and like fine dining. I'm 6 0 172, athletic, tan, short blk hair, lt brn eyes and nice abs (sorry, had to say that). I would like to learn more about you when you get the chance. I'm kind of skeptical about this online stuff, but we'll see where it goes. I hope to hear from you. Either way, have a good one and take care." A gets an "A" for effort. BUT... A, you're supposed to be hitting on the chicks that say they're here for dating/serious relationships. *deleted*

A (again): "So....I said hi the other day. How are things today? Alan (35/Clayton)" *deleted*

denemey: "HEY HEY how ya doin? *deleted*

bryan: "hey how are you?..Like the pics!!...im bryan, im from o'fallon...i just wanted to say hi and see if maybe we could talk some more..do you have aol or yahoo?..hope to hear from you soon...bryan" Bryan seems nice enough, although I thought it was a bit odd that his name was the subject of the email. Once again though... try the 1,582,295 other chicks who are here actually LOOKING TO HOOK UP. *deleted*

Michael: "Yikes Holy shit you are cute........" Sweet, but this stuff only appeals to the narcissists, babe. *deleted*

Kevin: "hey, sup?" Whatta conversationist. *deleted*

cornholeo: "hey, when are we hanging out cutey??? lol i like your profile btw, write back" I need TP for my bunghole. *deleted*

Sunil: "wow, If I was the guy taking the pics of you sticking out your ass, I would have dropped to my knees and gave you a nice tongue thrashing" Where can conversation actually GO after an intro like this? *deleted*

James: "how are ya? james here. u are a cutie. love your pics. lets chat..i am so bored. buzz me back. laters" James was a lil' cutie himself, but... *deleted*

H to the izzo: "someones hot! can we hang out sometime?" This name looks familiar. I think I've deleted his stuff before. Nothing personal, it's just really difficult for me to get into this online PRE-date/hookup thing when... silly me... I'M NOT HERE TO DATE OR HOOK UP. *deleted*

cha cha: "youve got me curious, why youre not talking to me, I say hello, but all I get is nothing in return, but I stay persistant, its the only way for me to get what I want, not asking for to much
just intelligent conversation, not a touch, Im sure you get all kinds of guys telling all kinds of lies, deceit (spl chk) and despise
look into my eyes, even tho there small, Im not trying to get anything from you at all. Just to say hi. Dont be rude tina. Justin" I can honestly say that no one's EVER cyber rapped to me before. Thank you, Justin! *deleted*

Adam: "How are you tonight, why dont you check out my profile and drop me a line and lets talk a bit and see what all we have in common and see how many ways I can suprise you in good ways when it comes to getting to know me.. :)" *deleted* Nothing personal... I'm just not trying to "get to know anyone" either.





AND... the one that takes the fucking cake... V. V's special. He got a link and his entire email copied because he's a classy fucker.

"Hi sexy . where are you? where have you been? As you can see i had lots of time on my hands to think about YOU .
This is to let you know what I plan on doing to that sexy body of yours when we meet and we end up getting along and I get to have my wicked way with you.

I want you in a dark room standing in the doorway with both of us facing each other

Your hands down by your side as I take my fingers and slide them between your fingers

Holding them tight. As I slowly kiss the side of your neck. Then walking you over to a flat wall with the lights off as I slowly undress you and have you put your arms up on the wall with your back to me as I start to kiss the back of your neck very softly just under your hair making sure that your eyes are shut and you need to keep both your hands up on the wall. Don’t move at all. I need to have the tip of my tongue run down the middle of your back down the side of your legs down to your toes with lots of soft kisses no hands just lips and tongue, once I get to your toes I would start to work my way up from between your legs as I touch your skin I want to watch as your legs slowly start to spread very little at a time till I can get my head between them and keep kissing and licking the side of your legs from inside and work my up to your ass and take both my hands and slowly spread your ass apart and let the tip of my tongue work its way in between and keep teasing you till you cant take it anymore and just turn around and grab the back of my head and push your hips to my lips then push me down on the floor and get on top of my face with one hand grabing the back of my head pulling it up and the other hand spreading your self wide open and slowly rocking back and forth rubbing your wet lips all over my mouth till you feel the tip of my tongue slide in you then just sit up and start to go up and down on my tongue and DON’T stop till you cum dripping in my mouth . then I want you on your back as I drop down between your legs and with the tip of my tongue I would make sure I have every last drop of your juices in to my mouth and take 2 fingers and slide them in you as I bend my fingers up and rub just under your clit from inside pushing my full lips on your erect clit and slowly start to suck on your clit as my finger work round and round inside you at the same time . What do you think am I a pain in the ASS? See what you did? I think you are one very very sexy woman. "

I liked V so much that I replied:

"You're kidding, right?

1) I don't even KNOW you.

2) Does this shit really work on other chicks?

3) Fuck off.

Toodles!
~Lu"